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April 6th, 2013

Kingdom Hearts Silliness

So, I saw where someone had gone through the lines of Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories and replaced dark/darkness with cock. Naturally, I was like, someone should do the rest of the games.

And this is what you get.

Hooded Man: Tied to the cock... soon to be completely eclipsed.

Riku: Kairi's coming with us! Once we step through, we might not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again. There's no turning back. But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us! I'm not afraid of the cock!

Maleficent: Will it be he who conquers the cock? Or will the cock swallow him? Either way, he could be quite useful...

Cloud: I tried to exploit the power of cock, but it backfired. I fell into cock, and couldn't find the light.

Sora: How about a rematch sometime? Fair and square, no cock powers involved.

Maleficent: Don't steep yourself in cock too long. The Heartless consume the careless.

Jack: Look! It's brimming with the power of cock! Oogie Boogie is drawing power from those cock globs!

Maleficent: It was reckless to bring her here without at least using a vessel. Remember, 
relying too heavily on the cock powers could cost you your heart.

Kairi's Grandmother: (to young Kairi) Believe in the light, and the cock will never defeat you. 
Your heart will shine with its power and push the cock away. Do you understand, Kairi?

Riku: The cock will destroy you.

Sora: You're wrong, Riku. The cock may destroy my body, but it can't touch my heart. My heart will stay with my friends. 
It'll never die!

Hooded Man: It's really quite simple. Open yourself to the cock. That is all. Maleficent: Yes. The Keyhole to the cock.

Maleficent: What do I care? The cock holds no power over me. Rather, I will use its power to rule all worlds.

Riku: Now, open your heart, surrender it to the cock! Become cock itself! 

Maleficent: This is it! This power! Cock... The true cock! 

Riku: It is I, Ansem, the seeker of cock. 

Riku: So, I shall release you now, Princess. Complete the Keyhole with your power. 
Open the door, lead me into everlasting cock! 

Sora: What's... What's happening to me? Falling...falling...into cock. 

Leon: So the cock is flowing out of the Keyhole...

Sora: I was lost in the cock. I couldn't find my way. As I stumbled through the dark, I started forgetting things
 - my friends, who I was. The cock almost swallowed me. But then I heard your voice - your voice.

Belle: You've come to seal the Keyhole, right? Please, be careful. The cock is raging deep inside. 
We've been holding it back, but we can't hold out much longer.

Aurora: When the Keyhole appeared, cock poured out of it. It swallowed Ansem, and he disappeared. 

Cinderella: Though Ansem is gone, the flood of cock hasn't stopped. We're working together to hold it back.

Aurora: I cannot forget the look on his face. As the cock engulfed him, he was smiling.

Jasmine: Sora, please hurry! Cock is pouring from the Keyhole.

Alice: It's all we can do just to hold back the cock.

Alice: Thank you, Sora. I think the cock has begun to weaken.

Jasmine: But I can feel a powerful cock growing somewhere far away.

Aurora: It's the heart of the cock. It must be where Ansem went.

Aurora: Once the cock is gone, all should return to its original state.

Voice of Ansem: Tied to the cock...soon to be completely eclipsed. There is so very much to learn. 

Ansem: Take a look at this tiny place. To the heart seeking freedom this island is a prison surrounded by water. 
And so this boy sought to escape from his prison. He sought a way to cross over into other worlds. 
And he opened his heart to cock.

Ansem: Don't bother. Your voice can no longer reach him where he is. His heart belongs again to cock. 

Ansem: You see, cock is the heart's true essence.

Ansem: Cock conquers all worlds!

Ansem: It is futile. The Keyblade alone cannot seal the door to cock. (to the Kingdom Hearts) Kingdom Hearts! 
Fill me with the power of cock...

Ansem: Supreme cock...